I was thinking. I love women, but they are so complicated, and i hate
complicated things, suddenly this lead me to discover that i don’t
really love women i just love a woman’s body, and that is enough for me.
She told that I'm special, but later i discovered that she only said that because she thinks that she is special, and she only meets special people. By time she discovered that I’m no special I’m just different in way that she can’t understand. So she decided to control the relationship in a way that she comes to me when she needs to feel special and leaves me when she doesn’t, she did smart, but she ignored that i knew her well, i just didn’t want her to know because i wanted to know her more. So i decided to leave in silence, no trace left in my way. Sooner the way showed me that i am the one who gives a meaning to her existence in my life, she doesn’t really exist.
People, people did this to me, people did that to me, a common thought which comes often to you, however in most cases, you deal with it by taking revenge from the world in a certain way. This act is totally based on emotion, which will absolutely take a bad effect on your personality, and by bad I mean it will turn you into a weaker, immature person. Now where exactly is the problem ? As i see it, this situation is a result of ignorance, the ignorance of how to live with people. Furthermore, the moment you start to know how to live with yourself, you will develop the ability to live with others.
As I see the world, I think, and think, and think over and over, until i come across an existential circumstance, which takes me out of my thought, but as soon as the circumstance fade away, i see the idea that lives inside me facing me again and wants to discuss. Talking to oneself is exhausting when you don't sleep much. I think i should get some sleep. But why do i think of the world this way when most of people don't, they just pretend to, and I can see it very clearly in their simple faces. This is how the story begins, it doesn't have a beginning time, but it has a manner of beginning. The smell of anxiety is running throught my noise, eyes, and ears, the vision here is colorless and the silence is very loud
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